My Father’s Day Dilemma

The topic for today is: Father’s Day.

Some of you may have had older brothers or sisters who were just so outstanding in everything they did, that people always compared you to your siblings.

You know: “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your brother would never behave like that.”

Being compared to your perfect brother or sister is bad enough, but how would you like being compared to the G-Man himself? Well, welcome to my world.

Even when someone sneezes, people respond with “God Bless You.” I don’t even rate with mucus, it seems. And don’t get me started with “God Bless America” or “In God We Trust.” When do people mention my name? When something horrendous happens, or when someone is upset. That’s when I hear an incredulous “Jeee-uss.” To me, that’s just gornisht.

He gets all the kudos and the cool slogans, and what do I get? I get to die on a cross as a sacrifice for all mankind. Hello?

Growing up with the G-Man as your Dad is no picnic, either. First of all, everyone thinks He’s always right. And if He seems to not make sense, it’s explained away that he works in mysterious ways. Try arguing with that.

He can also be a pretty vengeful and enigmatic guy, and his practical jokes can really get out of hand. You should have heard him laughing hysterically when Moses was talking to that burning bush, or when he allowed Octo-mom to have eight kids.

Finally, what exactly do you suggest I get someone like my Dad for Father’s Day? A nice kugel? A new yarmelkeh?

I’m actually leaning toward getting Him the new Ultimate 40th Anniversary Edition DVD of “Woodstock.” Dad thought that was pretty funny too.

Shalom.