Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Honor Thy Bagel

The topic for today is: Bagels.

When you think about it, everything tastes better on a bagel.

Whether it’s a schmear with a nice piece of lox, a pile of corned beef, or even—God forbid (and He does, for some weird reason, but more about that another time)—ham.

Of course, when I was growing up, we had very few varieties of bagels. Basically, if you didn’t like a plain bagel, you were out of luck, boychik.

But nowadays, there is a veritable panoply of these round delights. And though most of you know I am a pretty laid back dude, I will admit that I do not approve of all these bagel bastardizations.

Put it this way:

Blueberry, banana nut, sundried tomato—strictly for the goyim.

Plain, onion, salt, egg—knock yourself out, tataleh.

I will reveal unto you, however, that I have a weakness for toasted chocolate chip bagels with peanut butter.

Hey, I never said I was perfect.

Shalom.

6 comments:

  1. OMI-SON.............WHO RAISED YOU?? THAT IS JUST SO UGH!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T SPREAD (HAHA) THAT AROUND.

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  2. DEAR JC,
    WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE HOLES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAGEL? THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE.

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  3. Dear Anonymous,
    J.C. asked me to pass this answer unto you.
    "These doughy wonders have holes in the middle because the baking process on the Sinai was so primitive that the middles always remained soggy and raw, much like the prostitutes in Babylon. Solution: take the middle out. Keep on truckin', your pal, J.C."

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  4. Peanut butter on a toasted chocolate chip bagel?? That was probably the FIRST offense leading up to you know what!

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  5. My favorite is the everything bagel...like it or not JC, I am not giving it up....

    Ya know, your Dad and my son seem to have the same name...I hope my G-man does not get wind of that... he already thinks he is a god at times..

    Love your blogs...

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  6. Rochelle KruglerMay 2, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Yecch...are you married to a shiksa? Chocolate chip with peanut butter. Yecch

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