Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Torturous Survey

Today’s topic of discussion is: Torture.

As I was eating my ginormous plate of matzoh brie during breakfast this morning, I came across a disturbing story in the Heavenly Times.

It seems that a new poll from the Pew Research Center found that 62 percent of white evangelical Protestants surveyed believe that torture is often or sometimes justified.

Well, my children, that news was enough to make me chalosh.

In case you haven’t heard, back in the day, I was involved in this little thing called a crucifixion, in which a gaggle of surly Romans (that’s right, they were Romans, and I should know) pinned me up, and believe me, this wasn’t no pin the tail on the donkey.

In other words, I was TORTURED.

So, you can probably guess what my position is on torture. Not a big fan.

You may also remember that I used to tell my followers that they should love their enemies. Even Dick Cheney.

George Washington got the message. He made sure that his soldiers did not mistreat their prisoners, so that they did not appear as incredibly brutal as the British.

Hey, why do you think my Dad gave the British bad teeth and gigantic feckuckteh ears? Think about that the next time you want to torture someone.

In the meantime, keep on truckin’.


1 comment:

  1. I'm a big beleiver in torture. I think all rapists, murders and wife-beaters should have the same torture inflicted on them as they have inflicted on their victims. I also think it should be televised so the entire world can ridicule them and throw stones.

    Perhaps that makes me vindictive, but there you go.